Freelancing is a serious business. Be it writing, styling, marketing, designing, corporate-y things etc, freelancing is a competitive, difficult and (sometimes) rewarding field. There are many things you will need to face once you decide to freelance: deadlines, self-motivation (or lack thereof), and, most annoying of all, the questions and comments that arise from the general population’s misconceptions about what it is that you actually do.
Here are some such questions and comments that you can expect now that you’re a freelancer (and some bonus responses):
- But what is it exactly that you do?
I basically wander around, aimless and cold. You wouldn’t understand; you’re so corporate.
- What magazine/company/person do you work for again?
- You can come to my [insert frivolous weekday, daytime event here]; you’re not working.
K I’ll see you there. Are you willing to match my average hourly rate?
- You’re so lucky, you can wake up whenever you want.
In theory, so can you. We were given free will on this earth. It’s almost like an experiment, don’t you think? Like we’re on The Truman Show or something. Let’s discuss. My average hourly rate applies.
- Ugh that sounds like a dream job – you just get to do whatever you want all day.
- I don’t understand why you can’t come and help me reconstruct my entire house – you’re not working.
I apologise for any inconvenience caused. I hate you. K bye.
- But… what is it that you want to do?
Just, like, stuff.
- (When you explain that you can’t attend/do something) What work are you doing?
Shit I’m chillin’, tryna stack these millions.
- Yeah, there is really a lack of jobs out there. X% of youths are also unemployed right now.
So true, so wise.
- You may as well stay in your pyjamas all day – that’s what I would do.
That would be a marked improvement on your outfit. BURRRNNNNNN!
- Why are you getting so dressed up? Where are you going?
To be the batman.
- I can’t stay; I have to wake up early tomorrow to go to work. You’re lucky.
- What’s your plan?
Short-term? To explain the term “freelancer” to you. Long-term? Become Meryl Streep’s foster daughter, thereby ensuring my power and riches, not to mention access to any other celebrity ever. I mean, her Bacon Number is 1.