According to the internet and real life people, 2014 wasn’t a great year. One amazing thing that did happen to the world at large was Beyoncé dropping a self-titled album without promotion or announcement just before 2013 ended, making 2014 the year of Bey. People’s love and respect for Queen Bey is so massive that it has even become somewhat of a meme.

At last night’s Grammy Awards, however, the honour of Best Album was not bestowed upon our fearless leader. Instead, the award was given to Beck, who is either a person or a band. Now, I’m not saying that Beck didn’t deserve this recognition. Not at all. I’m simply saying that Beyoncé clearly deserved it a million times more. Her album broke digital sales records, was highly lauded by every critic to ever exist, and a study conducted at the University of Music revealed that every single person on the entire planet enjoyed at least one to two songs from Beyoncé (both the album and the person). So what went wrong?

Well, after this decision was made by the Academy of People Who Award Singers Things Seemingly Arbitrarily, I was reminded of the argument from evil, which is said to have been originated by Greek philosopher Epicurus, and ponders upon the existence of evil in this world. The argument basically asks the question: if God exists, why did Beyoncé not win the Grammy for Best Album?

I’m not trying to singlehandedly refute the existence of an omniscient, omnipotent and omnibenevolent being here, but this kind of occurrence is quite a win for Atheists the world over. Well done, Atheists. Did you fix the Grammys this way to push your agenda and cause people to violently reject their faith? I hope you’re proud of yourselves.

Now that my head is clear and it has been a couple of hours since I was near-fatally crushed by this despicable incident, I have come up with a list of people that they might as well have given the award to if they weren’t going to give it to Beyoncé:

  • The band I started when I was in grade 7. I think we decided on the name In Pink. None of us could play any instruments and our first song, written by me, was also called In Pink.
  • The band that Lindsay Lohan is a part of in the movie Freaky Friday.
  • Me with my currently out of tune guitar (I can play around 5 chords).

To sum up, I’m going to leave you with the words of Kanye West, who half-jokingly started walking on stage when Beyoncé lost, reminiscent of his 2009 MTV VMA stunt:

“What happens is, when you keep on diminishing art, and not respecting the craft, and smacking people in the face after they deliver monumental feats of music, you’re disrespectful to inspiration. We, as musicians, have to inspire people who go to work every day, and they listen to that Beyoncé album, and they feel like it takes them to a different place.”

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